Go with the Flow

The accident I had have made me think of things on my life. I learned to take each day as it is and contemplate on the issues I have in my mind. I also learned to listen to my heart and able to get satisfied with the decision I then made. Perhaps my little prayers have indeed paved the way for me to hear God's little voice and He indeed slowed me down to think things through. I no longer rush or hurry over major decision in my life whether to pledge for single blessedness or have a time line to get married or be bitter over my past relationships. In my heart says just go with the flow. There is no need for time frame for me to hurry to consecrate myself for single blessedness. I just knew if I'm really for that path I will have the urge to do it without qualms. Anyway I still have that aching feeling of getting married too. That's why perhaps it is hard for me to decide right away. My non-negotiables also varies now and what important for me now is that I would be able to have a good communication with my soon partner, able to understand each other and have same set of values. That's it. Even if how unpredictable life may seems and even if he change in the future, I felt the confidence inside me that I can still live even if I'm alone. I'm no longer afraid to be left and I have the security now. I have set my own roadmap for the next five years and hoping I could do all these as planned. I wanted to explore the world, to love more as a counselor and as a friend, to earn still to become a blessing and to praise God for the rest of my life. The hatred and resentment inside my heart already subside and I'm grateful that I just offer to God all the negative things I cannot bear. I can feel that I no longer care for my ex and that I can say I already forgive him.. finally. I'm no longer angry and accepted the fact that I will not be happy if we're still together. I'm just grateful for the way things are. I guess the prisoner in me has been finally set free.

A Day to Remember

Before 2014 ended I had an accident where I was not able to walk for a couple of weeks. It's been a memorable one since I then realized how much my family loves me and where the hatred and resentments in my heart subsides. I learned to forgive and understand my own mother. Although I regret being snappy on her over little things. I tend to pray more to the Blessed Virgin to help me to have patience with her. We are totally opposite that most of times I got irritated on her. I just take note how she loved me through the years and I wanted to return such love. I'm really a work in progress. I'm also grateful for the answered prayers regarding my accident, that there were no fractured bones nor torn ligaments and no need for surgery. For one I'm worried for the expenses  but the Lord really provides. I just have enough for my medication. Second I'm afraid of the surgery itself since I'm never been operated. I'm also worried about my work, that I have these thoughts of losing my job because of excess absences. I'm blessed to have good bosses who let me work from home and also have given me time to recover. I can't wait to get fully recovered and be able to fulfill all my plans for this year. Although I've started 2015 with not so good beginning, I'm hoping I could turn my life around and be able to say this is my best year yet. I felt so positive that the black cloud on my head suddenly disappeared. I felt my miserable years are now over and I could live my life again with my dreams on my grasp.