It is my second friday not to have work and my first weekend without pay. I felt a total failure this afternoon since I've lose a job and cannot find new immediately. I realized in my group of friends I am the only one who is not stable at work and seems struggling. I felt weak and ashamed. What have I done with the past years? But at this dawn, I realized I got freedom now. I'm no longer bounded by the routine of office work, paying bills, sending money back to my family, running errands for anybody. This is definitely a chance to make things new. I could change my life in just one big decision, that is moving out and paying all my bills in just a snap and start a new life.. even a different career. Wow! I never thought that this is an opportunity for me to have a leap of faith and change my fate altogether. Nevertheless on the practical side it is still best to save my fund for my retirement than use it now to pay for my loans. So I'm giving another week for me to find new work before finally set my mind that I need a big change in my life NOW. Funny that I'm not depress or anxious about my situation. I realized too that my life before is not that bad. I just need to breathe. I've been stressing myself with the dos and donts of the world, what should I do to make myself a successful woman, what to makes me happy. But really what makes me happy? Is just to be me. Just to see the sun shine and sun set. Smell the flowers, hear the birds sings, let the children play.. At last I just have to appreciate life and stop comparing my odd self to every one. I may not be the luckiest girl in the entire galaxy but I am the happiest daughter of God. I have all the answers in my heart that every possible questions I could think of. I've been insane for thinking difficult questions about life and asking so many things on how to live a life. Only to find out that it is only God I needed. I trust you my Lord. Let me embrace the next chapter of my life. As it unfold starting tomorrow, let me put my best smile and embrace you tightly.
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