It has been sometime now that I have stayed in Manila and embraced a new life. I have already settled in Taguig and been in roller coaster of emotions. Still having paranoia from time to time but I experienced a different kind of joy that I felt I could easily bounce back from depression. I'm glad my family is still complete and we're in pink of good health. I couldn't ask for more except a family of my own. I have closed finally the door to religious life and accept the fact that I'm for secular world, a living testimony of Christ's love to ordinary people in the workplace and the face of struggling Christian adult. I have turned my back on my anguish and thoughts that God does not love me for giving me depression and still being single at 41. I feel blessed that I'm now financially stable compare to last year where I'm in woe and at peak of losing my mind because of financial struggles. Hoping too that I can fix my life by end of this year and be able to really find the direction I'm looking for. I'm planning to leave the corporate world but not too soon. Still wanted to try psychology as profession and writing on the sidelines. I don't want to be bounded by office hours and expectations from the bosses, bounded by rules and office policies. I just wanted to be free. To be free with my own time and still earn for a living. I need patience to make this a reality. I need skills to be the best medical mental practitioner in town. I'm hoping too that it's not too late to become a mother. Who wanted not to bear a child of its own. Nevertheless still need to find a spouse not only have same faith but also responsible human being. Its nice to have that he is belong to a certain community but it is not a requirement. A good Catholic person is enough to start with. Just be able to accept me and love me for who I am is my basis of starting with any guy. Sparks or no sparks. Anyway love is a decision. I'm in midway in life and hoping to live in fullness not only on my purpose of helping mankind but also to be a fulfilled woman, as a mother and as a wife..
