Mid Life Crisis

Another of those year ends and though I could say that things got better this time, I can't help but think if I'm on the right track. I mean I've decided to do things differently now by becoming aggressive towards change -- after discerning what I really wanted to do with my life. Yet I'm still anxious to make these changes realize now. There are times I'm still okay with my IT life. I admit with the money I've been earning who wanted to leave this profession. But yet I'm not fulfilled. Something is missing. The other night I felt I lose compassion already. I've started to kill people in my dream. I'm still in my first semester as Social Work student and its a long way to go. But hopefully another 2-3 years in IT would still be fun since I also decided to return teaching Catechism and keep my role as Household Head. I also decided to be active again in service next year and hoping my body would cooperate this time. Yet I'm here now at my room with migraine and over-fatigue body. I'm afraid this is one of those things that  my disappointments in my life is manifested on my physical body. I pray that next year would be my deciding factor if to stay in SG. I mean if my new employer next year would not renew me then I guess its time to let go of my SG life. Even if that means small earnings and savings. Though I'm also afraid that I would endure my IT life if I got the renewal. Yes I'm still torn what to do with my life. Mid life is coming very quick and I guess I have to made up my mind soon. If only I could get my diploma very soon then I can start a new life immediately. But I have to follow and that three more years of study before I can shift. Hoping that on my last year I'm already at least an assistant. I'm choosing to become Clinical Social Worker. There is no happiest place than to see the smile of those who are suffering due to illness. Beside promoting mental health, I also would like to bring the sunshine to those who are terminally ill and to those who are recovering. Hoping too I can be of help on marriage counseling and individual counseling outside the hospital setting. Yes I'm following my heart and this is definitely one of the things I'll be doing on my second half of my life.

Knowing Your Faith

I guess I'm just resigned to the idea of convincing and justifying my faith specifically for 'Christians'. One lunch break (good thing he is the boss) a colleague opened the topic of religion. He started it with why was it is important to have a denomination - for it formed the body of Christ. He was criticizing those who insist that Christianity is not a religion and tagged themselves with no denomination. He was asked by a non-Christian colleague if they were allowed to kneel on their dead parents. I think it is a Chinese tradition and the non-Christian colleague further argue that it was their way to respect the parents who have brought you in this world. She cannot contain the 'no' answer of our boss. Well I knew that would be his answer since they even accused us Catholics of worshipping idols because of same traditions. I then understand the value of traditions in my faith. Although he further stressed that all 'Christians' have the same belief except us Catholics. I don't know if I would be insulted by that remark but I then realized that yes, we are indeed different since we value traditions which means we value the people. I don't know the official stand of the church but I know for sure it is allowed for Catholics to keep that Chinese tradition of kneeling before the dead. I just kept silent since I was not asked and I don't want to stir any arguments. I just smiled and deep in my heart I feel happy that I am a Catholic. Kneeling does not mean only worshipping. It is indeed in some tradition translated as giving respect. I then have recently have conversation with my housemate and her complains with these 'Christians' which I really don't want to hear. What gotten me was her question why was the clergy not educating the public especially the kissing of the statue. I then contemplate for a good answer and said to her that we should not rely on the clergy. They are few and indeed it is a duty of every people to evangelize. If you know the answer then tell the person if s/he does not know or is confuse of the act. And one more thing, we should not be spoonfed. We are all adult and should have the initiative to learn more about our faith. Isn't it learning our faith is learning more of God? I really don't want to have any discussion especially for those I know just want to belittle and prove that my faith is wrong. It is tiring to defend your faith before a closed heart and deaf ears. But if ever they cross my path (again), I would try my very best to answer point by point and hoping (and praying) I can keep my temper and be inspired by the Holy Spirit.