Another of those year ends and though I could say that things got better this time, I can't help but think if I'm on the right track. I mean I've decided to do things differently now by becoming aggressive towards change -- after discerning what I really wanted to do with my life. Yet I'm still anxious to make these changes realize now. There are times I'm still okay with my IT life. I admit with the money I've been earning who wanted to leave this profession. But yet I'm not fulfilled. Something is missing. The other night I felt I lose compassion already. I've started to kill people in my dream. I'm still in my first semester as Social Work student and its a long way to go. But hopefully another 2-3 years in IT would still be fun since I also decided to return teaching Catechism and keep my role as Household Head. I also decided to be active again in service next year and hoping my body would cooperate this time. Yet I'm here now at my room with migraine and over-fatigue body. I'm afraid this is one of those things that my disappointments in my life is manifested on my physical body. I pray that next year would be my deciding factor if to stay in SG. I mean if my new employer next year would not renew me then I guess its time to let go of my SG life. Even if that means small earnings and savings. Though I'm also afraid that I would endure my IT life if I got the renewal. Yes I'm still torn what to do with my life. Mid life is coming very quick and I guess I have to made up my mind soon. If only I could get my diploma very soon then I can start a new life immediately. But I have to follow and that three more years of study before I can shift. Hoping that on my last year I'm already at least an assistant. I'm choosing to become Clinical Social Worker. There is no happiest place than to see the smile of those who are suffering due to illness. Beside promoting mental health, I also would like to bring the sunshine to those who are terminally ill and to those who are recovering. Hoping too I can be of help on marriage counseling and individual counseling outside the hospital setting. Yes I'm following my heart and this is definitely one of the things I'll be doing on my second half of my life.
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