Forever Grateful

Yesterday I did have regrets of coming back to corporate life. I have these what ifs that perhaps I can really pursue my dreams of finishing my studies if instead I teach or be a freelancer and did not listened to my mom to work again. But today I realized how blessed I am and have proven myself that I'm better than I thought I was in the corporate world. Perhaps it is my destiny afterall to be in the middle management now and inspire young software engineers to persevere in our field. Nevertheless, there is still this struggle at my studies and there is this fear that I won't make it to become a social worker. Although I really aim to finish until PHD and be a mental health therapist. Then I remembered to offer these things to the Lord. To bless all my dreams and endeavors. And to use me for His glory. I finally felt I have the purpose of living and death is now a no big deal for me. I won't waste my life on trivial questions and pains but I felt the Lord prepared me through the years of who I am today. I'm glad moping around has ended and I'm ready to face the world again. I have come around big time as a survivor of depression and has given me purpose to help also those who struggle. In a way, I was able to reach few people to really understand what is mental illness. Its been a tough and rough ride but I'm truly glad I made it because I have parents who never failed to believe in me and few real friends who always there. The Lord never fails to amaze me.

Understanding Friendships with Me

When is the time to let go of a friend? One close friend told me I made things complicated. But I've experienced a lot and in my heart, in my mind they were maybe petty on some but these were big deal to me. I learned to accept that there were things beyond my control. I have lost several friends due to differences. So in my mind I have quite fair right to decide who to keep in my circle and who should not. I'd learned that forgiving is not really getting things back as they used to be. I have to learned something. Need to be wise. There maybe grudges along the way but I know myself too that these too will pass and I can work and be civil with anyone. In fact there were those who cannot stand my kindness after a mishap. Respect and a view of any person to one's character is in the eye of the beholder. We cannot dictate him/her. So please just give me some space right now and let time heals all wounds. Perhaps in time the friendship that was lost will be found again. or maybe we can just be civil forever and be mere acquaintances. Though as saying goes there is always a reason why we meet certain people in our life.. A special season to learn new things and to mold us as a better person for a world to see.