The 'No'

I have finally decided to try.. and prayed hard to accept whatever Sr. Linda would say. My only purpose that Friday night is to ask if I still have the chance to enter the convent. Yes, I'm sure of it now but I know there are rules that I must follow especially on my case where I already past the cut off age, have financial issues, physical limitations and mental illness. But I still tried because I don't want to miss the chance and just die without knowing the answer. I present my question to her that faithful night and I received a gentle no. The only reason she gave me is that I past the cut off age and it would take longer period to discern since there is a period to choose which congregation would fit me. She asked me why and what I think of religious life. I gently answered that one faithful day when I was in my senior year in high school and attending the morning mass that I felt drawn to Jesus during consecration. I cannot explained the feeling but then I tell God I will serve Him someday. I told her also I have this admirations for nuns because of their dedication and for me it is an avenue to love more God. Before we parted ways I once again asked if there is no chance I can enter and she still insist No. I resigned to the idea and tried hard not to think of other reasons why I cannot enter. I then asked if I can enter the auxilliaries or the consecrated life and she said yes. I don't know but I leapt for joy that moment. Perhaps I can still really love Jesus more wherever, whatever vocation. And as advised to listen more, I heard Him saying just be happy, He is with me forever more.