I don't Convert; I loved.

I very much loved the Catholic faith. Although I admit there was an instance in my life that I walked away from it but I do learned my path going back to it and now feel blessed that I am one of the cradle Catholic. Yes I was baptized not knowing much about this religion and have learned more about it in just one of the subjects in my school. All I know is I need to pass.  Though at young age of sixteen I fell in love with the Eucharist that begun my faith journey. Also, being exposed in college to different denomination has brought some questions in my head. I really don't want to be in a argument but somehow I seems get in myself in such situations. I felt I'm stupid not able to defend my faith well but looking back now I'm glad I just smiled and not really retaliated. Although that feeling of stupidity has brought so much resentments in the past few years that I struggle to learn more about the Catholic faith so I could answer all those denominations who belittle it. Then depression arrived. It was now my turn to scrutinized the faith I've been defending. I guess when I realized how much God has loved me then had let the questions stopped. And just let things passes by. Now I'm not cringing whenever they were criticism about being Catholic. Nor questions about salvation, etc. I then realized why I was not admitted to be a nun. I'm not into conversion really. I just want to spread the love of God regardless of religion. I just want to be a friend to anyone even if s/he does not believe to a Creator. What important is I know now there is really a loving God and He is crazy about me and that is more than enough for me as well to love Him and everyone back. 

Living a Single Life

Its been a while since I have an entry in my blog. What really happened in these past few months were another roller coaster rides. There were times I'm so overwhelmed with happiness especially when I have great times with my family and friends. I'm already back in my home country and had established finally myself working as a all-around manager/developer in a well-known bank. I have to adjust really hard since there were a lot of stressful situations in the office that includes coordination with the team and dealing with my boss. Though right now I can say I have good relationships with them and things are working out fine as I never expected. I remembered I was in that moment where I really want to resign and get out to this office and transfer to another who could be a lot nicer.  But I have passed that ordeal and it seems more rewarding to finally get in tune with them. Anyway I still have sadness attacks especially when I'm alone and realized that I am forever alone. Yesterday was the birthday of my dad and we celebrated as family in a restaurant in Taguig. We have lots of fun eating together but when we left, everyone was walking side by side in pairs. It was awkward for me at first to really walking behind them but who cares. I mean especially in this culture that single blessedness was a big deal.  Even my mom has pushed me to every men we meet just for me to get married. Yes, it maybe the pressure that makes me feel sad about my situation or maybe because I am also envious. I know how it feels to be in a relationship and being a caring person myself I wanted to take care of someone.. to grow old with. But being a female is another dilemma since in our culture we don't do the first move. I remember there were nights I was just staring at the ceiling and wandering what would be like being old alone. I even planned to lock myself into nursing home since I don't want to burden my sisters and their families. Just thinking about it is really making me sad. It seems I have wasted my life. I still continue studying Social Work and I'm glad I did. I later realized its importance and how I determined to finish even to Masters. I wanted to help. I wanted to make a difference. It created much joy that I can do something for everyone who needs my help. And the idea once again brighten my days and even pushes me to live this life and seems living to the fullest is within my reach.