Love is a Decision

I have been in long time relationship and looking back now it has taught me a lot of lessons that I can say I really grow because of the experience. I have so many questions back then why he has so many conditions to love me back. It has been the last stage and perhaps he really wanted to backed out and come out clean. That's why he was demanding things from me. I've been loving him unconditionally through out the years. I've been complimenting and boosting his morale. I just failed to admit that there were needs that he have not met. I was a fool to just accept him and not able to criticize him for his improvement and for my sake. I bottled up the feelings inside and since I was afraid of losing him, I tried hard to adjust every time there was conflict and even if I'm the one diagnosed with depression. To him, it is my fault why I have such illness. He failed to understand why I undergoing such trial in my life. He accused me of pinning him down and I find it so selfish of him to only think of himself where all this time I've been taking care of him. I knew he only wanted way out that's why I just cried some more and didn't fight back. Yes I learned that true love is unconditional and a decision. And most of all it takes two to tango. It is painful to realize I'm the only one holding on til the end and decided to love him forever where he already gave up on me. I'm still searching in my heart now how to forgive him, wasting half of my time as a youth where I should be enjoying with friends and aspiring for my dreams. I guess the very lesson from it is to love myself first and love should not be demanding that it will take all of me. It should be nourishing, nurturing and would lift me up. I am now reaching an age where it would be difficult to bear a child. I love to have family of my own given a chance. But I'm also secure of myself that I am not desperate and just jump on the boat for any chance that will be given. I have learned my lessons well that I have to be very careful to make another decision. For love for me is a lifetime commitment. Love is a decision.