Journey of My Heart

I got infatuated in a very early age. I can't even remember why I like my first crush. I saw his recent photo and still I can say I admire him because of his pumped up body and seems responsible husband and father. He still get in touch with our other high school classmates so I knew he is just chummy though we were not given the chance to be close. I got my first boyfriend at age of fourteen and my high school teachers all went berserk. Although I don't understand too why they still given me deportment award if I misbehaved and been not a good role model. Anyway, on my senior year my heart was captured during the Mass that my day won't get started if I miss the opportunity of dropping by before going to school. I've fallen so madly in love that I even promise to enter a convent someday. I still have qualms if God now has been reminding me of that little promise I made. Though I know now that He loves me too much and won't force me to do something not on my liking. Before I graduated high school, I entered into my second relationship which turned my world upside down. We've been together for more than a decade that I grew up with him and even built my world around him. But when the relationship did not work only one person picked me up and bring back the pieces of my heart. I learned now that it is really Him in the Mass and I'm always still overwhelm whenever I attended. We've been in tug of war for many years now. I've been into the feeling of unworthiness but He keeps on reminding me it doesn't matter, I'm still His princess. He shown me my worth as a person and brings back my dignity. I now stand up and starting to live my life into the fullest because of Him. Truly, He called me when I was sixteen. Let me fall and ran away for a decade and taught me that it is only Him matters in my life. He still surprise me every seconds of the day. This morning I was lonely remembering my conversation with my father yesterday. I felt helpless not able to give what will make him happy. Nevertheless I saw from the cab window the birds flying and forming in different shapes that I felt joyful. I knew it is the Lord cheering me up. And I utter a little prayer to just lift up to Him that my father will find happiness in His hands. I am truly His beloved.