Today has many ups and downs. You know I love you. I'm trying so hard. But proving it makes it difficult. The response that being required makes me miserable. I'm not brave enough to be unlimited in giving kindness. I tried to reflect Pope Francis' message tonight. And here are my thoughts about it.
"so deep. need to reflect on this. 😔 RT @Pontifex: The beginning of faith is feeling the need for salvation: this is the way that prepares us to meet Jesus."
1. Suicide is not the road to salvation. I must remind myself that You love me and there is always hope. How many times I doubted your love and confess about it. I was reminded that my salvation was "tagilid" because of it. I have pride Lord. That is why I was in confession. I tried hard not to do again. To love you more. But I have to keep in my head that I was just being reminded.
2. My hesitation to preach to my family is additional hindrance for them to have their own salvation. I have this thought that if I love them I will make a move to ensure their salvation. But honestly I want to give them freedom. Freedom so that they will love Jesus willingly. I hope prayer is enough and my love for them too.
3. Forgiveness means befriending the people who hurt me. I put distance now so I won't get triggered. That is my way of taking care my mental health. Although I heard that I should also just forgive but not really bring these people back in my life. I am not hurting anybody. I have been praying for them even if it is hard to accept that they are more blessed than I am. But there are people who push me to be out of my comfort zone and to really be with these people whom I cannot trust anymore. I am in the verge of giving up my Catholic faith if they will keep pushing this. Then perhaps I won't get saved for I will not join then any Christian denomination for the teaching would be the same.
I still don't know what to do. I will just let you lead Lord and give me strength. Tomorrow is another day. Depression sucks. Thanks anyway for the ministry. It has been prophesied in Charism Workshop by Saccre in Singapore that I should not worry about my ministry and that you will provide for all my need to keep it. I recently founded Prudence which aims to help less fortunates. I know I'm not doing enough but I hope you are happy with the little things I made out of my love for you. Hug me tonight Jesus. 😘
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