I don't know if it is paranoia again. But things were getting out of hand. In my head. I thought I heard from my former co-sfc earlier why I post on non-sense things in which I remember my spiritual mother prohibiting me to post emotional things on social media. I felt I don't have the freedom and yes I then conclude I don't want to join community anymore if they will dictate such actions. That is restricting my freedom for I'm not misbehaving either. Then I felt wishful death is suddenly growing inside my head again. Earlier I was not in the mood of eating dinner together with my siblings. I thought I heard my youngest sister saying I don't want to be with them on supper. How can I expect them to be with me if I don't like to join them. Honestly I don't care anymore what other people think or say. I will do what I want to do. I'm a good person and I don't have to meet their expectations.
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