Recent Life Lessons

There were still times that I would cry my heart out, being pessimistic and would tell God not to talk to me, let me be alone. But the difference now is, after dwelling to such feelings I would turned to prayer, offering all the negativity inside me and leave everything to God. I admit to Him my shortcomings and what I think I'm only capable of. To my amazement, after awhile I could feel joy inside me, removing all the anxiety once there and an understanding of my current dilemma. I would then have an inspiration that perhaps I just need to change my views, adjust a little bit and things would be fine again.

I still have these struggles in dealing with my mom. Acknowledging how different we are have made it too difficult to just accept her views. I learned though to just smile even if that would criticize my own effort. I also learned  that I don't have to tell her all my hurts and frustrations especially if that would include how she raised me. I know she will get hurt and although my aim is just to let her know my feelings too is not a good idea. She is entitled of respect and I would give her that. Having an opened relationship with my parents may not include pouring all the pains and hurts they have given me but keeping in my mind also how much they loved me and even though they are not perfect there are efforts and I should see that every day. I bow down now to love them more especially my mother. Even if she is driving me nuts. I think it is part of being old that she forget more often the details and even would tell stories over and over again. Nevertheless I still hold my ground for keeping my faith and my values. For example she has this habit of gossiping that I told her to stop doing it especially if she is the one initiating it. For instance I don't want her to create an atmosphere in our current flat where she would be enjoying talking about stories of my past flatmates and their life and irritating habits. Neither do I force her to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Eucharist. I let the Lord knocks in her heart. Even though she joined me every Sunday mass but she would not receive the body of Christ nor join me on confession. I invited her from time to time but I don't lecture her anymore. I remember the last time we have an argument about it and I feel hurt being branded as religious fanatic. It is her issue and it is between her and God. All I can do is pray for her. It is not a sign of resignation but believing on the mighty power of God. Yes He is so mighty that He can change even the heart of stone. That is why I'm also no longer affected too if there are so many different religions. I know God has a plan in saving everyone. He did saved us long ago on the cross and I don't have to think now how each would received that salvation. I'm not the Redeemer. I can only pray and share His love and the rest lays on the person's hands if s/he will accept Him. I guess it is one of the reasons too that I have now peace.