Future in His Hands

The very first time I heard about the Third Order I was so much glad. Simply because I always have the desire to enter the convent but cannot do so and I thought that at least I'm a member of the order even as laity. Though I am quite disappointed that there is no third order for the order which the Pink Sisters belong, both here in SG and PH. I first attended the Lay Dominicans. It is relaxing since we're meeting in the home of Father David and since it is a small group that interaction is quite intimate. Perhaps my shyness and inferiority complex have been a big factor why I didn't pursue since I felt my knowledge is so far from the group and I'm not that articulate. I prefer to listen whenever there are new learnings. But I'm really impressed with the knowledge and wisdom the order have. I then tried the Discalced Carmelites. Deep in my heart if ever, I also want to belong to the order of St. Therese one of my favorite saints. Nevertheless I struggle to come since I have the hard time attending for the timing was morning and due to distance. They also have strict attendance compliance that I have been struggling to keep. So I then tried finally the Lay Canossians. The nuns I met were the best and I felt it is really home. I like the retreats they have and even the small gatherings where I also learned something new. But then again I have struggles to attend regularly since the conflict then was my work. There were times I cannot attend the small gatherings which they decided not to include me to their enrollment as new member. I like to join this order since I was told that the formation is on my own phase and also their mission statement which I finally adopt as my mission too. So then I decided to quit searching for the third order to join. I just leave to God if there will still a time I can join one in the future and if it is my calling.

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I then continue to be a member of Singles for Christ and even open myself up to the other members. I tried to understand each and able to focus on establishing relationship to some. My hunger to learn more about the faith I do it on my own by reading and also by consultations with my spiritual adviser. Nevertheless since I have joined the community in my late thirties that I felt I'm too mature for them. I have this apprehension for possible transition to Handmaid of the Lord. Though they assured me that I can still stay if I think I don't need to transfer. Again in the next few years I don't know if I'm still SFC but all I know is I've learned a lot especially by just being a listening ear and be there for those in need. I guess God has called me to be here to mold me to become a better person and be with His people. Where He will He bring me next, I don't know. He help me also to continue trusting Him and His will for me.

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Even though I'm a permanent resident I still have qualms if I will stay here for the rest of my life. Simply because I don't have a place I could say I own, I only get contract jobs, and life here is expensive, being the most expensive city in the world. But what I like here is the security, that even on wee hours I can feel I'm safe to be outside my flat. Also even how multi-cultural or diversified the people living here there is respect and compassion. I can feel the concern of every person even strangers which I seldom experienced back in PH. I still don't know what will be my future like. But I just place it on His hands knowing wherever He take me I will be happy, safe and secured. And if struggles come I know He is also there.

In the meantime, I will savor the moments of the present. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11