The Staff

I have survived another attack of depression through the help of close friends. They may not know how huge help I got by simply giving their time listening and a word of advice. Although most I did was to unload all the hurts and worries but their insight on the matter with their own wisdom and based on personal experiences have given me realization and help me to move on. I'm certainly thankful and express my gratitude. Also been grateful for all the prayers I know my community is always doing.

I've grumbled a lot since I've been looking my place in my mother's life. I've seen and even pointed out to her, of her being impartial to us, her children. I pointed out to her that our youngest is always inside her head. I know she is the one mostly in need right now because she is young and still not stable. But all of us have our needs and weaknesses and somehow I want to check where I am standing in her life. She always told me all of us our equal. But I'm not blind to notice too that she treated each one of us differently. I knew we have different personality and  I know it is a tough job for mothers to adjust to the differences of her children. Nevertheless I just felt I've been insecure for I felt there was no recognition for all the good things I've done especially the effort of being a good daughter. One time I asked her what she remember as I grow up to this day. She remembered being my first teacher up to my kindergarden then somehow she is lost because the succeeding years I can say I'm then studying alone. I just told her I've got difficulty on my Chemistry and Physics subjects, grateful that my father was there to help me. She too admitted she hate Physics too. Then she noted that I'm more attached with my boyfriends and finished her story. I felt that until now she still not understood what happened to me and why I've been into relationship in such young age. What make me sad is all my efforts of helping the family is not recognized. She often says I'm the one who cannot recognize. I shove away all the negativity. I still have that feeling that I don't have the place in my mother's life just like my youngest sister whom she always remember even during times I want her to buy something. Grateful for my friend to make me realize that my mother was used to me being there for her. That in my presence she is rest assured she can give more love to my younger siblings and can be a special person as she can be. I then associated myself as her staff, helping her move around and give her confidence that she is a great mother indeed. And that is the best place I wanted to be...