The Battle is Over

I feel agitated when I felt that other people were talking about me. I associated it like a disease. That  it is the first sign that my depression will kick in. Yes that feeling added to the issues I already battling in. I'm a private person and I already lose trust and cut ties before to friends that I heard been talking about me. For me I am back stabbed. It's more than ten years I've been suffering with this dilemma that even everywhere I go and even I don't know the people I still felt I am known. And realizing these I really felt I am sick. My ex BF told me before to just listen to the music whenever  I feel that way. A few years back I came up with the idea how to counter this dilemma. Although I struggle and fight so hard to control the feeling but I keep in my mind I can only relate to the topic they were discussing. I keep on telling myself I am not a celebrity. It helped for sometime but to the people I know it seems not easy to just ignore. My BFF Anne has given me recently a wonderful idea. I just laugh so hard when she said 'Eh di famous!' Which then I finally understand that people will always talk about other people. I cannot control such things even if they say about me is either good or bad. I'm not a public figure and I want privacy. I've been raised that saying something about a person should not be shared with the group but to the person involve or you are promoting gossip or back stabbing the person. There should be proper venue for everything and courtesy should be always shown. But I realize I've been too hard to myself. Or perhaps everything is case to case basis. Anyhow, Jesus came to save and not to condemn. I am not condemn by being the center of attention or so I assume. What I only mean is to stay open and don't be affected by the differences. What the big lesson for me here is, if I wanted to share Jesus then I should be ready to open my life to the public. What I mean is people will keep on noticing me because I bear Jesus in my heart and I am His child. It is part of God's will and He is using me to lead these people back to Him.. in some way. I am imperfect but I can show each and everyone I have a perfect, loving God.