Challenges of Service

Tomorrow is again the Baptism in the Holy Spirit and as usual I've been facing tougher challenges. I almost forgot it is a week before it. I just remember when I have difficulty on sleeping the other night and seems things are hard and not going my way where in the last few weeks it seems everything is running smoothly. I don't know if the belief of the existence of Satan has let things haywire and crazier each day. Attributing to him all the oppression and seems endless though I know the Lord will redeem me in the end. All I need is to hold on, pray and just do my best. Last night is the Tongues Workshop in preparation for tomorrow. I received already the gift last 2005 in a different community but my only problem is if there is anybody in the room who can interpret it. My worries then was if I will utter again disappointment to the Lord just like last year when Father Curran heard my tongues. But I lift everything in the Lord because I really don't care what is the result. In my heart I only want to love Him and praise Him and just answer the call of service. I was humiliated though because I have a wrong understanding and perception on the rules of praying over. I felt that my team leader has wrong reason to take over but only to know she is just following the rule. Perhaps I've been also regarding myself not acceptable to the standard of the world that I always do self pity and classified myself as second citizen. But I fight the feeling now by being vocal, accepting my mistakes and still smile. I know I tried hard to understand even if the people around me just told me to give up and stop. For them if something will just make me confuse then just stop. Yes stop for awhile but I tend to seek and look for the answer for the truth will set me free. Yes it always does. Though I admit there are things unknown really and only faith is the answer. But I hold on the best logical explanation even. I guess it is really hard for intelligent and analytical people to live the faith. But I'm rest assured the Lord loves me still because I heard His message last night: striving for holiness is alright, doesn't matter how many times I failed.