Road to Sanctity

My faith journey is a roller coaster ride. I have a close encounter with Jesus when I was sixteen when I fall in love with Him on the mass. Every morning before going to my classes I would pass by the church where there was a mass and say a simple prayer. Growing up has been a struggle for me especially to conform to the norms of the society. I want to be accepted that I don't want to admit I'm among those strong believers of Christ. I justify every sin I committed though deep in my heart I knew them as wrong. My heart was crying when I knew that my soul needs the Healer but I kept on choosing the wrong because I value then the human person more than God. It was a rough and depressing moment in my life but only to be comforted by Him. In all circumstance He never failed to make me feel His presence and that I am not alone during the tough times of depression. Nevertheless I chose to turn my back on Him when people began judging me and branded me mentally ill. Deep inside me He still pursued me to come back to Him in spite of my unfaithfulness and ungratefulness. 

Now I finally understood why I have to underwent all those pains and sufferings. I've been given wisdom and understanding for the explanations. I've been given extra ordinary gifts which at first I thought that I was cursed, being punished or that I am evil. Nevertheless it only prove one thing. Through the moments of torture of seeing, hearing, and eerie feeling of the evil one had taught me to call on God, pray to Him, ask for His protection and deliverance. Yes I know now why I had to experience all of that. He is there to prove to me He is indeed mighty. My recognition of Him my only help and deliverer has saved me from the sin of pride that I have the power such as that. Also I experienced being judge as loony and heretic because during those times I've been finding answers and they know that the gifts I've been describing are not in the bible. God has blessed me with spiritual adviser that guided me well and revealed that I came from the goodness of God. I learned that charismatic gifts are there to edify or benefit the church. If not helping then don't use it. I also learned that it is better to seek the gifts that could help me get sanctified. I only want God that I chose Him over the extra ordinary gifts. I would rather lose them, not get famous, not be glorified rather lose the love He only can offer. Although the gifts came from Him too but it was a test that I need to overcome. I now pray that I will always have the humility and mercy so that I could best share and testify His goodness and mighty love to each one of us. Well the gifts can be activated later if it is really needed. What important is to sanctify me first so I can truly serve Him.