Mixed emotions I have when I received the hard copies of my books. After all the revisions have been made I made it finally and decided peacefully that these are the versions going to be published. I really have low self esteem, very critical of my work that I thought nobody would appreciate it. Though I am really grateful for friends who have shown great support on me. They ordered both copies and willing to pay even if I will charge for royalties. Well unfortunately I am not charging for royalties. It has been my dilemma before if I would charge since it is talent, time and effort I am investing on these projects. I was thinking of having small payment for myself but then ultimately change my decision and made them for free. I only asked for my investment to be paid back. That is the price of each books were the cost of printing, binding and delivery. I also added the extra cost for copies for those selected people who don't have work, the contributors that made the book possible and for people I think would benefit from it but have no interest in matters of faith. It is a noble purpose to offer this talent of writing for the glory of God since the books are more of introducing Him on the reader. But then somehow I have oppression on doing these. One: It seems crazy to do things free for a noble purpose. Two: Only few support me for other friends even noted of being also active on serving God they wanted my books to be free! regardless if I have paid for all the cost of the hard copies. I am working to earn money and also supporting my family, haven't they thought of that? Three: The ideas and realizations inside the books are common and not that mind boggling. It just a simple state of truth that often being neglected.
We are doing as one community the 33 day retreat with St. Louis de Monfort's idea on consecrating oneself to the Blessed Virgin. I was astonished upon reading last night (day two) how St. Louis himself felt sad when the building he made for God has been demolished by his enemies. He wept why God has permitted this to happened where his aim was so noble. Yet now his works are being praised, endorse by Popes as materials leading to God. His will still prevails on him. I just hope that my little works will also touch even a few and lead them back to God. I don't need to be exalted nor my name to be famous but only witness that I really do made a difference is a fulfillment. Nevertheless He planted in my heart that it is alright. He even told me how beautiful my work is! That is enough I guess and the rest is up to Him, how will He truly use me.
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